Like watching sausage getting made

     Before I start with the main subject of this post, I would just take a moment to talk about some people. I have spent a long time, too much time, talking about people I do not want to be around. I got to stop doing that because I am #blessed to be spending a lot of my time with people I want to be around. I have great roommates and friends that I hang with most times on the daily and I am doing well, thanks.

      • So you know the idiom about if you like sausages, don’t watch them get made? The idea being that if something is like watching sausage get made something unpleasant will be revealed. Well my friends, I have seen the sausage get made and worked in that factory and it is just as unpleasant and filled with animals guts as you think. I can be super candid and revealing but I will just leave it at that.
      • If we are not friends outside of Facebook, you do not message or comment on my page, why do we need to be friends on Facebook? Why does it matter if I am your friend or not? I do not have to like you, look at you, talk to you or be any sort of some type of way to you. Get over yourselves if you can’t handle being unfriended on Facebook. It’s unbecoming and unprofessional.
      • If you can’t talk to me in person, but have to go through someone else when talking about me, what makes you think I want to talk/deal with you in the first place?
      • I just have resting bitch face. And I hate everyone. *Shurgs*
      • Yes, there is a problem/rift in burlesque. Deal with it. It’s stupid here in Albuquerque. It’s stupid because cliques are stupid and that’s all this is ; a clique.
      • Yes, I have been very negative about burlesque. Those are my personal feelings. I am going to express them. If you still enjoy performing and the burlesque life, and your Glitter Tribe, good for you. Enjoy them and have a lot of fun.  As for me, I feel the exact opposite.
      • Part of me feels like I just drank the Kool-Aid in Jim Jones’ cult and now instead of reaching the Promised Land, I’m just a nameless, faceless cult victim who got caught up in the possibility of enlightenment.
      • I did not benefit from BHoF. I do not see it the way I used to, which was a step in the right direction or a boost up. No, BHoF is a good way to spend a lot of money and play the game of “lets dodge the sexual predator.”
      • I mean raise your hands if you’ve every been assulted at a show. It’s a real fucking treat. Just be sure to spit in their face and end with your tits out. 😉
      • But BLACKERY why are you still performing if you don’t like the scene? Well, where else can I perform? I’m a performer. I’m good at it. It’s what I do best. What else can I do? No matter the club, bar, stage, format, it will always be this. I’ve done recitals for dance, community theather. It’s all the same. 
      • But BLACKERY why don’t you do your own show or form your own burlesque troupe? Fuck no! The last thing this place needs is another burlesque troupe or performer collective because that’s gonna make it better. *eye roll* I don’t know what would help. Oh wait, yes I do! $18 million bucks and my own theater would help.
      • If there is no friendship in show business, then I do not see the reason why I have to be “friends” with everyone.
      • If you want to see me perform, you can pay me to be at your show. You have to pay me more than $20-35-$50. I am worth so much more than that. A lot of performers are worth more than that. If you want great entertainers at your show, you will pay them as such. If you want consistently great audiences, and filled seats, you will pay your performers what they are worth.
    • To those that are afraid of me and think I’m a mean bitch, BOO!
    • To those that don’t give a shit,  BYE!
    • To those that are upset, weep not little one. There is more to be miserable about in the world.

Comments, questions and hatemail  can be emailed to generalblackery@gmail.com

XOXOX

 

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It’s Dan Aykroyd Day!

So. Dan Aykroyd was in town yesterday selling his own Crystal Head Vodka. At a Walgreens. Enjoy the photos.DSC04969

The line when we got there around 3:30pm.

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$44.99 + tax bottle of vodka purchased. It’s filtered through diamonds.

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So close. We are so excited, so excited, so scared. Before we knew he was coming to town, Paul and I had been holding a mini Dan Aykroyd marathon. It was a sign.

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Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!

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OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMG OMG OMG OMG IT’S MOTHERFUCKING DAN AYKROYD!!!!!!!!

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Crap pics I know. But, I shook his hand. It was very soft and warm. Like fresh dough. Fresh awesome “ I was in Ghostbusters” dough. Mmmmmmmm.

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Signed vodka.  Signed Trading Places DVD. BOOYAH!

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Hi. Did you hear that Sara met Dan Aykroyd. Yeah. You go girl.

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🙂 This expensive liquor is now residing on our bookshelf in the living room. It will be admired and remind me of that great day.

My perfect job order.

Touched by His Noodly Appendage, a parody of T...
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Dear Universe, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Deity of Your Choice, RuPaul, Tyra Banks, OPRAH, and Tap Dancing Baby Jesus,and SATAN!\m/

I have read and heard that in order for you to recieve what you want you must ask for it. You must put in your order. So here it is y’all my order for the job I want. I am so tired of looking at spam filled Craigslist. I am so tired of the empty recomendations from Careerbuilder. You are going to listen to me and give me what I want. Here it is.

My job order.

  • I am not tied to a computer for eight hours
  • I am not doing mindless data entry
  • I am not dealing with a lot of incoming/outgoing phone calls
  • I can dance
  • I can listen to good music and not sit in silence
  • I can use the rough language
  • I am doing challenging & FUN work
  • I will love getting up each morning and be excited to work
  • I will not sell insurance
  • I will not fax, file, look at patients medical records for eight hours
  • I will work for a competent, caring, friendly, organized, company
  • I will not lie at the interview saying that this opportunity to learn another database sounds so exciting. It isn’t.
  • I will not have to do a math test
  • I will not have to pee in a cup
  • I will not have to get up at 5, 6 or 7 in the morning.
  • It will be in an industry that I love (film, television, fashion, music)
  • Not a hospital, collections, insurance, recruiting, pharmacy technician, food, babies…
  • I do not want to change
  • I do not need a degree to do an office job
  • I am fully fucking qualified
  • I will keep my piercings and get more
  • I will wear what I want. No uniforms please.
  • I will be more than fairly compensated. I think $13 an hour sounds good. Hell, $14. I need new shoes.
  • Full-time please.
  • Medical, dental and vision. 401K if you can.
  • There must be opportunity to travel. I love to travel.
  • OOOH there’s no overly corporate/big brother vibe
  • I will feel confident, learn new things, feel accomplished at the end of the day and have something to show for it
  • and finally, HOT CO-WORKERS!

BOOM! Make it happen Universe, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Deity of Your Choice, RuPaul, Tyra Banks, OPRAH, and Tap Dancing Baby Jesus and SATAN! \m/I ain’t getting any younger, happier, saner, or richer. CHOP MOTHER FUCKING CHOP!

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FMyLife

Our situation is pretty messed up at the moment. Whenever I feel down, I read some entries from fmylife.com. It really helps. Here are some gems:

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents who responded by saying “ Sex is beautiful thing.” When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself and smashed my laptop with a hammer and calling me “filthy” multiple times. FML

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 0.50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

Today, I went into work. After three years of working 55 hours a week they fire me by putting the contents of my locker at the front door that said “if not picked up by 10:00 am stuff will be donated.” I work the night shift. I just lost three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, $60 and my job. FML

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I also read some stories on tuckermax.com. This story right here is one of the reasons why I will never EVER have teh buttsex.

Christina Aguilera to star in ‘Burlesque’

It’s official. Christina Aguilera has confirmed to play a burlesque dancer in the film “Burlesque”. The film is written by Steven Antin, brother to Robin Antin of Pussycat Doll fame.  Yeah.

My gut reaction to this project is to automatically dismiss it. I don’t like Christina or the Pussycat Dolls. I don’t really think of the Pussycat Dolls as a burlesque act. They just sing in their underwear. I don’t get it. The plot sounds like every stripper/hooker with a heart of gold movie out there:

“Aguilera will play an ambitious small-town girl with a big voice who finds love, family and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club that appears to be right out of Bob Fosse‘s "Cabaret."

Hmmm.  Sounds a lot like Flashdance and Showgirls. Nomi was from a small town too. All she wanted to do was be a dancer. And look at all the shenanigans she got into!!

Let me guess, she falls in love with her manager, but SURPRISE, he turns out to be a scumbag.  After some shaming, fall from grace, she receives help and redemption from her “family of dancers” played by the Pussycat Dolls. She falls in love with the only man to ever believe in her ,an audience member who frequents her shows, and live happily ever after. Awwww.

I can’t wait to snark this. Please, pay me to see this.  I can only hope it is as LOL worthy as Showgirls and somebody gets pushed down the stairs. 

I know. I know. I’m prejudging something that could be great. Who knows?  But I have a tendency to roll my eyes at any  watered–down project Hollywood lays it’s hands on these days.

Burlesque show for a Rape Crisis Centre not sitting well with some

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/01/northern-ireland-rape-centre-burlesque
Hmm.On one hand I can see this causing some trouble. Anything dealing with sex should probably be kept as far away from anything dealing with sex/explotation. On another, I totally agree with it.

“Feminist writer and former Queen’s University academic Fionola Meredith said the inclusion of a burlesque dancer who bares her breasts in her shows was a “mistake”.
“The Rape Crisis Centre is a great cause, and it deserves all the support and fundraising it can get. But engaging a burlesque star as part of the International Women’s Day Cabaret is a mistake, and one that is in rather bad taste. Forget post-feminism and irony – Northern Ireland remains an old-fashioned sexist’s paradise where women’s rights are very far down the political agenda,” she said. “Having a half-naked dancer prancing around provocatively in leopardskin stockings and bra simply reinforces the idea that women are first and foremost sexual objects.”
It’s quotes like this that make my head hurt and make me want to scream ” YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT!!”
“Eileen Calder, a veteran Northern Ireland feminist campaigner and co-director of the Belfast Rape Crisis Centre, justified the decision to invite Amber Topaz to perform. “Women are taking back their sexuality and there is a vast difference between erotica and pornography. We don’t exist to promote prudishness, I believe women are entitled to be sexual beings and feel comfortable in their sexuality.

“Our femininity is not something we should be ashamed of.”

The”offender” in question.

This is why I agree with it; I know so many girls, (myself included) who have benefited from doing burlesque. You get an amazing confidence and self respect boost. As it states in the article, lots of shows are attended by a majority of women. Lots of troupes are lead by women. How is this sexist when the women are in control.
Oh and hey guess what feminist, you have tits, ass, and a vagina. You are going to be seen as a sex object. Blame human nature and biology. Let women be independent and make their own decisions. How much they choose to use their sexuality and how they use it is their own prerogative.

(picture from: http://www.ambertopaz.co.uk/)