I’m an expert. Ok. This list isn’t biased at all.
Here we go in no particular order..
20. Adam Brown
He’s not a burlesque dancer. He just wanted to be on the list.
19. Tony Travis
Burlesque Noir’s choreographer. Sometimes he performs. Dude is such a troll he is straight up trying to drag a girl off the stage to take her to his cave to carve her to bits and wear her face like a mask.
18. Paige Star Savage
You don’t see Paige a lot. She is usually hiding under a bridge or cleaning up stuff. But she is there. Lurking. Fun Fact: Paige only has eight fingers and toes and I have seen her eat a horse.
17. Riri SynCyr
She’s the Mayor of Chubbytown for chrissakes. She bakes incredible snacks out of the blood of innocent children.
16. Kitty Irreverent
She’s done stuff in town. Something about the Southwest Burlesque Showcase and I think she scared Dita Von Teese once while at Burlesque Hall of Fame. Who cares. Titties.
15. Moe Pex
I think he goes to the gym. I can’t really tell. He is the newest boylesker in Burlesque Noir and he will be making his stage debut this weekend. He’ll probably do a stupid push up or something.
14. Mickey Nuggets
Hoot hoot. Cluck cluck. The fresh, young and tender and full of trans-fats. Mickey Nuggets is another one of Burlesque Noir’s trolls. He is actually 1,000 years old.
13. Rex Starchild
Oooooooh girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. Rex Starchild of Burlesque Noir is everyone’s favorite dead boy. His performances are nothing but him rotting onstage and stinking up the place with his decaying stench.
12. Shelley Sequinz
Ladies and gents this is Shelley Sequinz of Burlesque Noir. The rapper of the troupe in her birthday suit. She sings songs to lure men into her lair where she keeps them there as a pet.
11. Machina Tigre
A member of Burlesque Noir’s elite fattie/troll travel team. I wrote you a poem Machina.
Fattie fattie fat
Please don’t eat my cat.
Newest member of Burlesque Noir. Something something tits something something. Lottie is probably really intelligent and looks like she would be amazing to have mind blowing conversations with. But who cares, tits.
9. Annie O’Roar
Annie O’Roar of Burlesque Noir has a nasty habit of stealing babies and seducing wives. She plays with snakes,magic, fringe and whiskey. Something something legs and tits.
Mischa is apart of the fattie/troll Burlesque Noir travel team. A practicing Satanist , she frequently bathes in the blood of the innocents while consuming mass quantities of Jameson whiskey. That’s how she gets that healthy glow.
7. Joy Coy
“Joy Coy is a member of Burlesque Noir. She often gives hauntingly beautiful performances of the classic theater style. “ Travel team member, Joy Coy is not allowed in the sunlight or else she will turn to stone.
6. Mary Jane Monroe
“Mary Jane Monroe is another of Burlesque Noir’s standouts. On stage she is like a classic 1950s pin-up come to life. She pours her heart and soul into every second she is on stage and has a smile as wide as The Sandia’s. “ Another travel team member of Burlesque Noir. She carries rocks in her pockets so she can throw them at people.
5. Don Schrader
I mean, come on.
She’s not from Albuquerque but who gives a shit. She’s from Santa Fe with Zircus Erotique. She has an act where she is a troll ,which there are no pictures of. On that note, bitch has no bad pictures. You need to work on that.
3. Holly Rebelle
Troll. Or a drag queen. Or an award winning soloist ,leader of an award winning troupe and co-producer of the Southwest Burlesque Festival. Hmm. Nope. Holly Rebelle is a troll.
2. General Blackery
Feed me your children.
1. This Bitch
it’s a gif
A novel could be wrote about this bitch’s performances, but to keep it short here are the thee most important things you need to know:
Jesus. Christians. Glitter.
Be sure to catch most of these fatties and trolls at the Launchpad this SATURDAY NIGHT! Burlesque Noir Presents:DIVAS
Starring Cora Vette from Denver, CO
Saturday, December 14th
Doors 8 pm
The VaVaVettes (Denver, CO)
Mary Jane Monroe
Photos without watermarks are by Evil M West. Annie O’Roars photo by Trout Imagery. General Blackery photo by Mam’zelle Hepzibah.